Life, Death and Dying

I woke up with a sudden jolt,

Because I'm afraid of death.

A constant fear of

death,

death,

death.

A constant fear

that

it

will

come

when

I rest.

A constant fear that I will erode from  inside.

A constant fear that there is no where to hide.

It's coming for me,

it's coming to me,

It most surely will come get me.

In 36 years,

death has not hit yet,

Though I feel it like

an ImminentAndPressing

Threat...

Death

death

death made

Death

death

Death a blade

I have a constant fear

of

my loved ones

being snatched up

Of them being stolen

Of me being stuck

Of them never coming back

Of the hole in my heart

Of losing them forever

And not knowing where to start.

I have a constant fear of

the joyful.

That the moment of bliss

will be the one moment

that ends

all of this.

I have a constant fear,

a fear of death

I have a constant fear,

a fear of rest.

36 years and it hasn't found me yet.

Or maybe...

36 years

and it isn't time for me yet.

Death comes for everyone.

But death can walk slow.

Death is for everyone.

That is something we already know.

It's not really coming

I think it lays in wait

Waiting until that moment of

Pre-

Determined

fate.

We may all fear dying.

But it's a clock we don't set.

We may all fear dying.

And maybe dying is not rest.

Death is not rest

Death is all set

Death is not rest

What do we have left?

In a constant fear of dying,

My only agency

My only trying

My only agency

Yes, my only trying.

Is lying awake

And maybe vying

For

This life

Full of stuff.

This life full of emptiness

This life full of much.

This life full of nothingness.

This life of enough.

This life through our everything

This life through our love

Our life is our everything.

Our life is our love.

10.19